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Top quotes by George Carlin

George Carlin's top quotes. 'If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.' 'The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'


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Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/91/6c/d4/916cd48cbab35275c8bf9b83e5710a48.jpg

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/9c/d2/23/9cd2230992e93db8569a24a1ae47e6ce.jpg

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/87/31/31/873131866b7a0c65f283b51a27e41076.jpg

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/39/df/ef/39dfef4287ecd515f5dd3b391640bb7f.jpg

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/a8/2a/13/a82a133d25c70880607c30cc5f4b8e8d.jpg

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/61/fd/28/61fd289888fdb0c65182f7aa6bf6ab77.jpg

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/0f/8b/56/0f8b56f97b2e54b16b0b72c5b682d6fc.jpg

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/c7/79/9a/c7799a31fa3651a9e077a299827f3f7c.jpg

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/6a/b5/0f/6ab50fe5fdb1a7b7755e0cb693422056.jpg

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/9a/62/a7/9a62a71393a087636a05c9a48b1194d5.jpg

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/36/72/ae/3672ae81842059709b33b04d895210d7.jpg

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/97/70/d5/9770d528365322d8d4f3fe8898e49ad4.jpg

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/f8/05/32/f80532a44c9b9ef40db1c750fefbcb8b.jpg

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/fd/85/34/fd8534baa470735b995994d5ec49694e.jpg

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/e9/93/c6/e993c6ac5f9956ec2e79db32f83c5e70.jpg

Religion is just mind control.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/12/ad/16/12ad16b160d48b6f0d774c38848e8a59.jpg

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/f9/b8/52/f9b852c966f7b2f1c744d8b4c303dfdd.jpg

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/f3/ca/b3/f3cab311cf216bb7877da398a7d5bdd7.jpg

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/3e/dc/8a/3edc8a4fa0d97bf3f5c9d5b009c22485.jpg

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.


Top quotes by George Carlin-https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/474x/3d/5d/a9/3d5da96a14005ec8156e2e9b719435bf.jpg

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.



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